no desire

I have no desire to do anything. I don't know if this is negative symptoms or depression or of a result of changing  my medication times. In 4 days this is the most I have done- to write this. When I first got bumped up on sertraline I was full of energy. I started painting again. I cleaned. I cooked. I started this blog. I started a goal journal I was very enthused about. This was all within 3 days. Then I got sick. Is this funk just the flu? I don't know.

My mental health team never talks about negative symptoms. It's always centered around my reality thinking. I didn't even know what negative symptoms were really until I started reading other people blogs. I think they have taken over my life for years and no dr. said anything except I'm lazy. When I lived in a group home I spent everyday just drinking tea and staring down at the table. Again no one thought this odd-just lazy. I had no desire to even leave the house. No desire to start a art project even. No one told me this is part of the disease.

My dr. wants me to get back into the work force-has she not been paying attention? Some weeks I can't wash a dish in the sink. Sometimes I don't sleep for a week. These are cycling symptoms I work hard at sometimes-then sometimes they take over. Then of course all the other physical ailments.I do manage to work a half day volunteering. I hope I will be able to keep on at it.

Those three days I talked about before were wonderful. I was looking after myself and nothing is better than the ability to do that.