First Blog-Stigma

I have just today started reading some of the blogs written by people with Schizophrenia. I was surprised by how upbeat they were. I assumed, like me, most people live with a tremendous weight on their shoulders. I worry constantly about people finding out I have it. How will they react? How will they react privately as I know someone could seem sympathetic to your face only to be mean to your back.  Will I ever get back to a 'normal' job. I have faced stigma even volunteering for a charity. Several mental health consumers worked there. In short I heard comments being thrown around such as 'why do you even talk to him? he's a mental health consumer. he's crazy and not worth speaking to.' I think this had a terrible effect on me. I feared this was how people with a diagnosis would be treated-then I saw it first hand. Not worth speaking to? I got up from the table and walked out. I was close to tears for weeks when thinking about it? Am I overly sensitive? I wrote them a letter a week later telling them why I walked out. I told them I can't work for a organization that treats mental health consumers that way. Their response was that the conversation was not for me to hear-wasn't about me-but sorry if it upset you.

I also worry about my housing situation. I live in subsidized housing so certain people who run it know I have an illness. The tenants do not. The building has become a 'hard to house building' meaning people with MI and addictions get first spot at moving in after a hospital stay. This is very new and the old tenants seem to be on a witch hunt to find out which one of us has what. I fear if they find out they will try to get me evicted. I am not being paranoid-I think this is happening to someone down the hall from me. I think he has Schizophrenia b/c he has flat effect. I know for sure he has MI b/c I have seen him somewhere getting services. People in the building gossip about him and how he looks crazy. (he is very friendly and nice) They are starting rumors that he is trying to break into apts. When asked why they say that they just say 'he looks crazy'. Another reason I worry about housing is that even tho they let you live here with MI if you have a public breakdown you are evicted. To me this seems unevolved. Why can't they understand the illness, get someone help, and let them come back afterward. There is limited housing options for someone on disability pension in this over priced city. More pressure on me: If i lose it I pray to lose it quietly.

When people in the community heard about this new hard to house rule they went berserk. They began writing to newspapers saying they don't want family members living in a apt with the mentally ill. They think we are dangerous. They think we bring down the value of the neighborhood.

I don't know how to end this. Please leave comments.