filmed

I was doing exceptional on abilify for months-now there are some cracks. On Monday I was waiting in my parents car for them to come out of a store. I started to wonder if the car was hooked up with cameras so they could spy on what I do when they are not around. It seemed completely normal to me to think this for several hours. I began to question it. Is this the normal thing for people to do? Or is it not something people do? My mind gets confused.

I didn't go into my psy on Thursday. Every time I have an important place to be I can't sleep the night before. I was also having another health problem as well. She called me on the phone unhappy I wasn't at the appt. She said she 'needed to get a look at me.' She was worried about the car cameras. I don't know if I should be worried or not. Yes I shouldn't have thought those things-but within a few hours I had figured out I was wrong. That's a good thing-insight.

I'm having trouble budgeting money. My parents even gave me extra money this month but it's gone and am running out of some groceries. I'm using money I should have used for my utilities bill. I'm going to cut off my utilities for a short bit then sign up with a cheaper company. I dread the stress of workmen from two different companies coming in my apartment. I hate having people in here. It's going to be an uncomfortable time. I think the budgeting is a sign of my mental health not being at it's best. I'm usually very responsible and don't let myself have extras.

The kitchen looked like it was on an episode of hoarders yesterday. I had to order pizza b/c there was no way to cook. I couldn't make heads or tails of it and I just kind of shut down and couldn't deal with it. I get very stressed out with clutter. esp. if it's dirty. I made some headway in there today.

The only good news is my tomato plants have tiny green tomatoes on them now. This is the first time I've grown tomatoes and I usually have a black thumb.